What I am saying is that 'Tuesday' means very little to me. A lot has happened this week, and I felt like wrapping it up. So here we go.
First off, it is almost Valentine's Day.
It's going to be a weird Valentine's for me, and I really don't know why, or what to say about it. Things are . . . strained. . . with Michael right now. (This is largely my fault, and I accept that.) I have picked up smoking again, after several weeks without it, and he is mad. So before the anti-smoking people pipe up about it, I am fully aware of how awful it is. But it is what I turn to for comfort, when I am feeling stressed, and honestly I don't see it as *that* big of a deal. But he does. He gets angry, asks me why I don't just STOP, and I sit there and wonder why he can't just accept me for who I am, and realize that I have good qualities, too. He is quite a wonderful man, in most respects. However, I have to wonder how he can continually put his disappointment into words every time I walk outside to smoke. We lay down to go to sleep at night, we are on good terms, all is fine. We wake up the next morning, and I walk out back, and he's mad all over again.
This just confuses the hell out of me. We are on opposite sides of the fence on this one (he on the 'right' side, while I of course fill up space on the 'wrong' one), and it stresses me out. And you know what I want to do when I'm feeling stressed? . . .
Since the big V-day IS upon us, and Michael and I have traditionally tried to mark it with homemade Valentine's, and as I am completely without monetary means, I decided a few days ago that I would paint him something for his Valentine. . . . It was not a good experience. In a moment of extreme confidence and horrifying hubris, I took one of the photos off of our nightstand, and spent the afternoon trying to recreate it with pencil and paint.
The results were. . . Laughable? Crude? Really, really, awful and sad?
Just pick one, they all work.
So anyway, THIS is the picture I tried to use:
Not gonna name names, but yes. Completely.
3.) You feel physically or emotionally ill when seeing violent
images in movies or on TV.
Check. Some commercials destroy me. Not in a passive, oh-that's-just-so-sad kind of way. . . it HURTS.
4.) You can influence the moods of those around you.
I don't know. . . .How do YOU feel right now?
Anyway, beyond all the supposed sorcery and self-importance, I really learned a couple of helpful things:
---I am greatly influenced by how other people are feeling and thinking. Even if they don't say anything about it. For me personally, it makes a LOT of sense. In that I've been walking around my entire life like an emotional sponge, flowing up and down on currents that I don't understand, and that often aren't even of my own design.
---It's not a magical power. Everybody does it. Some are just more sensitive to it than others.
---I can learn how to block some of it, so I'm not constantly caught up in emotional whims, and literally aching to make others happy. (So that *I* can be happy.)
Also, I can summon the wind.
. . .
Just kidding. If I could do that, TRUST ME, you'd hear about it on the news, NOT just on this blog.
So to wrap up:
My family has new underwear, Michael is not pleased with me, and I do not foresee large amounts of chocolate candies in my future.
We have two new kittens in the house, one of whom is very badly behaved, but largely likeable. We should probably make it into a reality show to see who gets to stay. At the end of every episode, I could tour the house looking for poos, and then give a rose to the kitty that has been the best. Pretty sure SOME animal rights group would have a problem with that, but really--- who doesn't like to get flowers?
I'm totally on to our local Y. I'm in complete Nancy Drew mode. It's really only a matter of time.
I'm not going to say I AM Jean Grey. . .
These powers are new to me.