Wednesday, September 19, 2012

What Grey Bear Can Do (Primarily for Grandparents)

So I thought I'd give all of the grandparents, cousins, great-aunts, and well-wishers an update on what all my Grey Bear has learned to do at this point in his pudgy life.

                   (DJ Grey Bear, spinning tunes.)

He can get around child-proofing:

The first example is the (*ahem* not quite up-to-code) child-proofing we have done in our bathroom.  First, please know, he is NEVER in the bathroom without supervision.  (The 'Vaseline Eating Incident' made quite sure of THAT.)  And generally he is only in there either when I am bathing 2 feet away, or is being bathed himself.  So he's really quite safe, I can assure you.  I SAY all this because the only childproofing we've done in this bathroom is to make CERTAIN we keep the toilet lid down, and to tie ponytail holders (It's ghetto.  I know.  Stop judging me.) around the knobs of our cabinets, thus ensuring that they can only open about 3/4 of an inch.  The REAL issue in this room of the house is the bathroom drawers.  In the bottom one, we keep miscellaneous medical products: medical tape, gauze, tubes of Neosporin and Hydrochortisone creme, and individually wrapped Tylenols, etc.  (*I* can't even open those Tylenol without scissors.  So if HE manages to get one opened, I'm going to make every effort I can to get him enrolled at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.)  In the second drawer we house all manner of my girlie things: a hand mirror, the Vaseline, makeups, lotions, etc.  And the top drawer holds toothpaste, tweezers, stuff like that.

So whether he is on-foot, or in his walker, he is at the perfect height to reach at least 2 of the 3 drawers.  And his favorite activity is to carefully take every item out of the drawer, inspect every item carefully ('carefully' here, meaning: 'using his mouth'), and then return it to said drawer.  And we had been letting him do this, as he wasn't able to get the lid off of the toothpaste, or the little sample bottles of shampoo, or anything else.

This week we've had to reassess our stance on bathroom drawer item safety completely.  He CAN get the lids off now.  Off of EVERYTHING.  The almost-empty tube of toothpaste that he LOVES to chew on?  No more.  He figured out how to flip up the lid, and will just roll around sucking Crest all DAY if you'll let him.  The travel sized bottle of Herbal Essences Conditioner?  No can haz.  Because he will twist off the top, and then run (crawl at top speed) away from you while he attempts to suck in every tasty drop before he is inevitably captured and the fabulous prize is removed from his sticky hands.

In the kitchen, where the cabinets (most of them, anyway) actually ARE childproofed, he has discovered that if he is patient enough, he can shove his arm in the tiny crack until he hits something.  This week what he hit was the clear plastic utensil set that we kept in case of outdoor barbecue.  They are forks, knives and spoons, and they are ALL CLEAR.  So what we know is this:  All of the utensils are now gone.  What we need to know is:  Where have they gone?  Because they are CLEAR, YA'LL!!!  It's like we have charmed, invisible objects, most CERTAINLY scattering our home, and yet we can see none of them.  (I really must put on my glasses today and attempt to locate at LEAST a few.)

He can clap, wave, high-five, and point:

If you hold your hands flat, facing him, he will slap them back, in a functional, if not "street legal", high five.  We plan on teaching him an awesome handshake very, VERY soon.  He waves all the time now, but at the moment it appears his waves mean both "Hello" AND "Bye-bye."  (Much like the Hawaiian "Aloha".)  And he claps and points to get what he wants, and to crack us up. 

Example:  He desires Cheez-Its.  They are kept in the pantry.  He rolls into the kitchen and points at the pantry until we open it.  Once open, he points at the Cheez-Its on the top shelf.  You remove the Cheez-Its from the top shelf and he begins clapping.  He claps until you give him a few.  HOORAY!!!  She understood me!!!  At which point he rolls away, mission accomplished, with 4 Cheez-Its in one hand and two clear plastic forks in the other.  So. . . technically. . . I guess that means that he started eating WITH utensils at 13 months old.  Dear LordHe's a GENIUS!!!!!

He's a Cat-Chaser:

THIS is his FAVORITE activity to date.  He prefers to chase them on foot (read: knees), around EVERY corner of the house.  He LOVES them.  Unfortunately, he believes them to be great friends.  Sadly --- this friendship is entirely one-sided.  Still, he has not given up on striking up a great and lasting friendship with BOTH cats.  Muscles, to date, has been fairly patient with Grey in his endeavors.  EVEN when Muscles has been cornered in the kitchen and is being subject to Grey's adapted form of petting. . . which really just consists of the cats being smacked in the face repeatedly, in what I can only assume is the Grey Bear's attempts to be gentle.  Either that, or he is showing them who's boss every chance he gets.  Ash Ferley, on the other hand, is NOT amused by these attempts at friendship.  I have still yet to determine if Ash is simply terrified of the baby, hates him with a passion, or simply does NOT care for children.  He's a hard cat to read. . .

As for other Recent Grey Bear accomplishments, he has grown VERY fond of taking WHATEVER he can find and throwing it in the bathtub.  Only when someone is currently bathing in said tub, naturally.  

It makes for an interesting bath experience to say the least.  At this point, nearly every member of our family has bathed with:  clean clothes, Teddy Grahams, Ritz crackers, toothpaste tubes, Desitin tubes, and the occasional package of GasX (bottom drawer, you know) just for good measure.

So, to wrap up, he is:

Growing fast.

Showing QUITE an affinity for felines, even if said affinity is NOT reciprocated.

A veritable Bathtub Bandit, the scourge of the Bathroom Seas.

May possibly be showing signs of being either a genius, or a wizard.  (I truly believe he conjured up a Pixie Stick for himself last week using nothing but witchcraft and pure force of will.)

More news as events warrant.



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