Kitchen Facial Scrub Vs. Tanning Solutions

For those of you who do not know me, there is one thing about me that practically smacks you in the face the moment we meet:  I am pale.  I am a mixture of Welsh, English, Irish, Native American (why couldn't I have gotten THAT skin tone??), and God only knows what else, combined into a proud American Mutt.

And yes--- I am pale.  I am VERY pale.  I am ghostly.  I am practically translucent.

Example:  In the winter, when my skin is at its palest, I have a hard time finding makeup foundation light enough to match my skin.  . . .Seriously.  What's lighter than 'Palest Ivory'?  The answer is . . .me, apparently.

But summer is coming more quickly than I would have liked (for my part, there is never enough time or effort put into looking good for bikini season, until the season is upon us) and we are actually going to the beach this year.  (For Hangout Music Festival----YAY!!!!)  -------Sidenote:  Flogging Molly is going to be there.  I am THRILLED.-------  So that means that it is once again time to decide on your tanning method of choice for the year. 

Having mentioned my lifetime-paleness affliction, and Hangout being in a month, I do not have time to tan by laying out in the sun.  Plus, it's harmful for your skin.  Tanning beds are cheap enough, and completely effective. . .but again--not great for your skin.  (I'm 35.  That doesn't mean I want to LOOK it.)

So the cheapest, and only logical conclusion was a self-tanner that you use at home.  I've used these in the past, they work fairly well enough if you apply them correctly (I have a system), and they usually keep me from looking wretchedly- ghoulish until I actually get a tan from the sun.

. . .However. . .

In my haste this year to GET that 'natural looking bronze glow' that I was promised. . . . I have come out splotchy. 

It's not good.

I would take a picture, just to prove how hilariously bad it was, but I am too vain.  There will be no photographic evidence that this event ever occurred. . .

BUT IT MUST BE REMEDIED!!!


So this morning I am going to make a facial scrub (really a 'whole-body' scrub. . . I swear, I'm a mess.) just using things from around the kitchen.  ***As a disclaimer, I cannot exactly say where I got this recipe.  I have read MANY 'How to Make Soap", 'How to Make Bath Salts', 'How to Make So Much Stuff You Have To Give It Away' sorts of books.  My mother showed me several different ways to make facial scrubs, foot scrubs, etc., and it's something I've always been interested in.***

We'll need these things:

1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup ground oatmeal
1/4 cup honey
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup olive oil
1 Tbsp salt

First you'll need to grind up the oatmeal.  Even a small mortar and pestle is REALLY handy for this part =)  Then combine all the dry ingredients ---I found it easiest to mix them by hand--- and once they are well-mixed, you pour in the honey and olive oil, and mix with a fork.

  ***Feel free to add sugar or olive oil until you get the consistency you like.***

And there you have it:  Your very own bottle of sludge  =)

Since I'm going to be scooping out handfuls of this sludge, I decided that an old mayonnaise jar with a wide mouth would be the perfect container. 

Sorry.  This one's not pretty.  But OH!!!---It feels so good!

Just use it in the bath before you soap up.

!!!!!BE CAREFUL STANDING UP!!!!!
The oils will make the tub very slippery.

. . .this particular scrub has been known to make our bathtub a very precarious place to be from time to time. . .

Now.

I'm off to go remove some of this top-layer of tanning cream from my person.  =)

Good day to you!  =)