Troubling Times and Space-Age Technologies.

I haven't written anything in a while.

I guess I should, before I completely lose the ability to do so, and my brain turns to vanilla pudding.  (I fear that watching Sprout with the baby every day is not going to be good for my cognitive functions. . . but on the plus side, I have learned a LOT about sharing.)

=)

Putting that thought aside for the moment, here are several

THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN MY WORLD RECENTLY


Item #1:  I have not worn pants, or makeup, for many days now.

Well. . . I guess that's not ENTIRELY true, as I have gone for morning walks with the baby just about every morning, and I tend to take pants VERY seriously when I am out and about, roaming the neighborhood.  The neighborhood association ---and the neighborhood in general --- frowns on many things, (if their facebook page is any indication at all), and I feel fairly certain that Nude Public Exercise would probably be at the top of the list.

The CHILDREN!!!  Think of the CHILDREN!!!!

------> (And I am completely serious here about our neighborhood frowning on things.  It would appear that we are a neighborhood just chocked FULL of frowners.  The entire neighborhood facebook page is almost nothing but people griping and complaining about one thing or another. Interspersed, of course, with advertisements for yard sales, and announcements of which stay-at-home moms are currently selling which bags, beauty products, and jewelries. . . I should probably feel a surge of pride at our collective entrepreneurialism. . . and yet I do not.)

But anyway, power-walks with the baby aside, I can truthfully say that I have not worn pants in many days now.

Or makeup.

And I feel pretty good about it.  =)

NOT about how I actually LOOK in this sans pants/sans makeup state. . . oh, no.  Because I own a mirror, and it can be trusted to inform me that I do, in fact, look rather wretched. . . 

("You look like crap!" it says, much like some freaky, annoying parrot.  "Have some pride!" it screams at me.  And then I put it back in the drawer, and go about my day.  Problem solved.)

So I am not harboring any delusions that I actually look good like this.

I'm sure my naked face and naked legs are not only wrong, but offensive.  On many levels.  

So VERY just plain wrong.

And yet it feels so right. . .

Sooooo. . .

Paradox.

(I am now officially a deviant.  Living on the fringes of society.

I am more punk-rock than you can stand.

What an exciting development!!!!!!!)



Item #2:  My husband might be losing his mind.


Is it a midlife crisis?  Hard to say.

Early onset dementia?  I'm not a doctor, so I really don't know.

All I know is that the signs are everywhere, and I am growing concerned. . .

It started out innocently enough.

We were sitting down to dinner last week (on the couch, the baby in his high chair, cause that's how we dooz it) and we were looking for something entertaining to watch on tv.

----As a sidenote, I'd just like to bitch about tv for a minute.  The Office is over (RIP), GoT and The Walking Dead are finished until next year, as is Parks and Rec.  . . .THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ON T.V.!!!!  At least, not that I'VE been able to find.  It makes me very mad.

I LOVED YOU, TV!!!  I TRUSTED YOU!!!!  I WAS FAITHFUL!!! 

And you have FAILED ME!!!!

But whatever.----

So anyway, we started browsing OnDemand, and found Pitch Perfect.

Michael rolled his eyes a few times, but ultimately sat through the whole thing, which is really all that I could ask for.

And then the movie got to THIS part:

So. . . really cute, right?  All happee-no-worries.  No big deal, right?

YOU SIMPLY COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG.

To begin with, neither Michael nor I had ever heard this song before we saw the movie.  We do not have a teenage girl currently living in our home, and so we had passed right under the Party In The USA radar.

But you can only elude fate for so long.

The next morning I got up and. . . Michael was looking up the song on youtube.

"Ummmm. . . what are you DOING???"  I asked.

"Veering off down a dark and unhealthy path and attempting to bring shame to our family," he said.**

(**I cannot remember what he ACTUALLY said.  But it might as well have been this.)

So I tried not to become too concerned.  (With some degree of difficulty, and not much success.)

He made some weak argument about the guitar riff at the beginning of the song being really good.

Pfffttt.  O. . . . .kay.

Then the NEXT day he. . .

HE POSTED THE MILEY CYRUS VIDEO ON FACEBOOK.

("swinging my hips like yeah")

. . .

I was confused.

And frightened.

All my ideas about right and wrong were suddenly crashing down around my feet.

I LOVE THIS MAN.

And I had to get him help.

So I've been watching him closely, searching for signs that the disease is progressing.

It HAS to be a disease. . . right??

A chemical imbalance??

Something we can ADDRESS and then CURE??????

. . . .

And then last night. . .

*deep breath*

. . .last night he started playing Katy Perry songs.

(Something about fireworks, I don't know.)

So obviously he is getting worse.

THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT MY SON TO GROW UP!!!!!!

I love him.

So I will continue to hold on to hope, until science finds a cure. . .

***Personally, I use the phrase "space-age technologies" a LOT.  Mostly to win arguments: 

Michael--"WHY is there a mess on the wall in the pantry??!?  How are we going to get this OFF??"

Me:  "Space-age technologies, Michael.  Don't worry about it."

(I've found it to be VERY useful.)

So I feel very correct in saying: 

SCIENTISTS!!!  I have stated the problem for you.

NOW.  GET.  ON.  IT!!!



Item #3:  Summer reading.


It has been a very good summer for reading so far.

The baby is a little older, a little more self-sufficient, and COMPLETELY IN LOVE with playing outside, so I have been lucky enough to make my way, leisurely, through SEVERAL really good books.

Last week I finished Deeply Odd, the new Dean Koontz book about Odd Thomas.  (GREAT character.  I highly recommend all of them.)  Before that, I was tearing through all the Game of Thrones books I could get my hands on.  (Now I'm just waiting for the next one.)  Then there's the Divergent series, which was really good, and I'm eagerly anticipating the third installment in the trilogy.

And right now I'm reading Inferno, the new Dan Brown.

So all this was in my mind as I was browsing pinterest the other day, and came across THIS:

It's a FREE LIBRARY!!!!

AND I WANT ONE!!!!!

I want one for our neighborhood!

I have all these great books that I've read, that are just SITTING HERE, taking up space, when THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO COULD BE READING THEM!!!!

(And I could be sharing and reading THEIR books, too!!  It's GENIUS!!!!)

However. . . unfortunately, my cabinetry skills are sadly lacking.

I find it shameful to admit this, because I am an intelligent and (mildly) creative woman, but there is simply no way that I could make this.

(I realize, of course, that it IS just a box.  So you can just shut the hell up right about now.)

At least, I couldn't make it without the potential for great harm to myself and possibly others, the destruction of untold amounts of lumber, a trip to the emergency room, and possibly a tetanus shot.

I am not selling myself short. . . I am simply aware of my multitude of limitations.

So . . . if anyone out there would like to construct this for me, and then donate it to our neighborhood (for the greater good, remember), then I would appreciate it very much.

And I would let you have first pick of my used books.

(There are a LOT, so that's kind of a big deal.)

=)


So anyway. . .

I PUT MY HANDS UP, THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG, THE BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY. . .


. . .DAMMIT, MICHAEL!!!!!